Instead, try to look at it as an issue you can solve together. Your friend may have ideas on how to improve things. Have this conversation one-on-one in a private place. Speak about your feelings and let other people speak for theirs. If there is no improvement after implementing these tips, consider how you feel about the friendship.
Reliability and respect are crucial in a relationship. Ask yourself if your friend is a true friend. What do they bring into your life? Difficulties will always come up in relationships, but your friend should be willing to talk these problems over with you. Do they show other signs of being a toxic friend?
If there are more difficulties than good times, and they seem unwilling to work on it, the best thing to do may be to cut your losses. Sooner or later, you will find people who respect you and your time. Some people try to do too much. They may make plans with several people at once and assume that some plans will follow through.
Social anxiety can cause some people to flake out on events. Walking in late may be terrifying to them, so they will just turn around and go home. They may want to meet up but get too stressed at the last minute. Often, people with depression isolate themselves at home. Your friend may have a different understanding of your plans. They may assume that your plans are less strict than you understand them to be.
It can be extremely hurtful when people you consider friends ditch you for something they think is cooler or when a friend cancels plans for someone else. You may feel like you attract flaky people if you are not good at communication, setting boundaries, and recognizing signs of unhealthy behavior. Reinforcing that human connection through a quick call may go a long way in preserving a friendship.
Koestner's advice is to give people the benefit of the doubt the first time they flake. If it happens more than once, it might be worth letting them know how it made you feel. And if you're the flake? University of Washington's Kirkland recommends that you put yourself back in the abstract mindset.
Reminding yourself of why you committed to something in the first place — the vision you have for yourself and your life — may help motivate you to not back out when you're feeling flaky. Flaking itself is nothing new, but the term has changed over time. Richard Koestner, of McGill University says that back in the '60s in New York City, people who didn't show up to scheduled activities were called "flatleavers," as in they left you with a flat tire and no means to get anywhere else.
Sign up for our Newsletter! Mobile Newsletter banner close. Mobile Newsletter chat close. Mobile Newsletter chat dots. Mobile Newsletter chat avatar. Mobile Newsletter chat subscribe. Life Science. Inside the Mind. People sometimes flake out at the worst moments. Now That's Funny. I know what you're thinking: But if they're "yes" people, why do they eventually blow me off anyway?
Isn't that the same thing as an eventual "no? Basically, "yes" people tend to feel pressured to say "yes" in the moment to avoid conflict or awkwardness; then they mean to figure out how to make that "yes" work later on, when they're not under quite as much stress.
Often, though, "yes" people are people pleasers who then struggle to go back on their word and instead flake out on the agreement at the last minute. Flaky people can also be perfectionists , in that if they say "yes" to something and it doesn't go according to plan, or they don't think they make it perfect, they flake at the last second to avoid making a mistake or letting someone down. So, why not be honest with people from the beginning? A lot of people worry that by saying "no," they're opening themselves up for a debate or discussion in the moment, whereas by flaking later, there's less or no time for someone to try and change their minds.
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